By Lughadarini Yogaraja 

In many Sri Lankan workplaces, toxicity doesn’t look aggressive. Instead, it looks polite. It’s the forced smile in the morning, the “aiyo no problem” culture, and the subtle ways people avoid confrontation while still making you feel small. You attend a meeting, share an idea, and everyone nods, only for silence to follow. Five minutes later, someone else repeats the same point, and suddenly it’s brilliant. You laugh it off, because what else can you do?

There’s also the unspoken hierarchy; seniority often matters more than skill, and questioning someone, even respectfully, can be seen as disrespect. For women, this becomes even more complicated. You’re expected to be respectful, soft-spoken, and agreeable, but also efficient, confident, and capable. It’s a constant balancing act. Too quiet, and you’re invisible. Too outspoken, and you’re too much. So you learn to adjust, shrink, and second-guess yourself sometimes without even realizing it.

The subtle comments about how you dress, speak, or behave, and everyone laughs, including you, because not laughing makes it awkward, but these moments add up. They stay with you longer than they should.

Insecurity, Jealousy, and the Cycle We Don’t Talk About
One of the hardest truths to admit is that sometimes, the toughest workplace dynamics for women come from other women. Not always, not everywhere, but often enough to notice. Instead of support, there can be comparison, mentorship, and control.

It shows up in small but sharp ways. The senior colleague who withholds guidance but expects perfection. The subtle competition over recognition, promotions, or even attention from management. The backhanded compliments, “Oh, you did well… I didn’t expect that.” The information was not shared on purpose. The feeling that you’re being watched, not supported.

Beneath all of this is something deeper: insecurity. Many women have had to fight hard to reach where they are. But instead of creating space for others, there can be a fear of being replaced. So it becomes easier to dominate than to uplift, to compete rather than collaborate. It’s not always intentional, but it is harmful.

The sad reality is that this cycle continues because it has been normalized. “That’s just how offices are,” but it doesn’t have to be. When women support each other, the entire environment shifts. When they don’t, the workplace becomes heavier, colder, and far more exhausting than it needs to be.

Surviving Without Losing Yourself
So how do you survive in a space that feels both polite and painful? First, by recognizing that not everything is your fault. It’s easy to internalize these experiences—to think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not doing enough. But often, the problem is the environment, not you.

You don’t have to react to everything. Not every comment deserves your energy. Sometimes, protecting your peace means choosing silence not out of weakness, but out of strength. At the same time, when it matters, speak up. You don’t have to be loud to be firm. A calm, clear voice can carry more power than you think.

Build quiet confidence. Document your work. Let your results speak when the room doesn’t. And most importantly, find your people. Even one supportive colleague can make a difference. Someone who shares information, encourages you, and reminds you that you’re not alone.

If the environment becomes too heavy, if it starts affecting your mental health, your confidence, your sense of self, it’s okay to consider leaving. Staying in a toxic space is not resilience. 

A Gentle Reminder (and a Call to Do Better)
Women don’t need to compete for space that is already limited. We need to expand it together. The insecurity, the jealousy, the subtle dominance, only hold everyone back.

Be the woman who shares opportunities. Who gives credit? Who mentors without fear. Who doesn’t see another woman’s success as her failure? Because the truth is, there is room for all of us. And workplaces become lighter, healthier, and far more powerful when we choose support over sabotage.

Simple Ways to Protect Yourself and Support Others

• Keep a record of your work—your effort deserves to be seen
• Set small boundaries (even saying “I’ll get back to you” is a start)
• Don’t engage in gossip—it drains more than it helps
• Support other women openly—share, uplift, include
• Speak clearly and confidently, even if your voice shakes
• Take breaks—burnout is not success
• Remind yourself: not everything is a reflection of you
• And most importantly, be kind—but not at the cost of yourself

Workplace drama may not disappear overnight. But how we respond to it, and how we treat each other, can slowly change the culture. And that change often begins with one woman deciding to do things differently.