13 Things Guys Should Stop Doing Right Now!
At Brunch today, my friends and I were discussing strange and annoying things that men do on a regular basis that confound us. We are left wondering if these acts were deliberate, accidental, or born of ignorance, or a combination of all.
Between my starters and main course, I said three ‘Hail Marys’ for being the one who didn’t have to deal with this bovine excrement on a daily basis. I wondered if men secretly convene weekly to share their ‘best practices’ on the worst ways to tick off women. Do they have a manual? Are they given an orientation? Are there awards? I would really like to know.
This week on Ms. Confidential, I thought of thirteen (only?) things that guys need to stop doing right now! Let me know if you agree with any of them so that I don't look like I am losing my mind all by myself.
1. The Pokemon:
This is by far the most annoying thing a guy can do on social media! What does a ‘poke’ equate to in real life? Do people randomly poke strangers? No, they don't. If yes, which part of the anatomy do they get to poke? Every week, at least, three poke notifications appear on Facebook- I can deal with strange ‘friend requests', but this is just the herpes of social media.
2. Broadway Bellowing:
Why do men break out in a song when they are in close proximity of a woman? This is especially in Sri Lanka when men just start singing, except the sound they emit sounds so much like a bellowing calf whose lost its mother. Why. Does. This. Happen?
It doesn’t necessarily have to provocative attire; one could be in sweatpants and flip-flops, and it’s the same reaction. You could innocently be buying a bag of Lays chips, and there it is again! I just look at them with a contorted face, hoping they will understand that every time they sing, somewhere a little bird dies.
3. Ogling Ogres:
A senior colleague has an atrocious habit of scanning women with the likes of an MRI scanner while his eyes rested atop of their chest; hoping that he may catch a glimpse of the treasure trove. It used to irk me so much that all transactions with him were done via the telephone extension. Once I had just about enough, and in a meeting where he just talked for 15 seconds looking at my breasts, I said, "My face is up here, in case you didn't know".
Ogling has to stop. If you have to stare at it, Google image it.
4. Lifting? Only Your Skirt, Please:
So, there was this guy I met through work who messaged me for a week. In a week, he assumed I was his girlfriend and said, “This gym thing you do (CrossFit) – we should stop it from next month".
I almost had to use double tape around my lips to get my mouth to close - When did we become a 'we' and how dare he assume I will listen!
According to the archaic horse dung, ‘lifting is not for women'. Every day in my prayers, I pray for the redemption of their souls for befouling CrossFit. I really hope men quit this notion.
5. ‘N’ for No:
In 2016, I want men to stop identifying what is and what is not an acceptable form of an occupation for women. If we want to drive a tuk-tuk, we will do so; if we don’t like it, let us decide, thank you very much. What we want is for guys to respect our decision – whether it is that we tried and succeeded, or even failed.
6. Emoji-cation:
Calm down, I only mean Emoji-education. Some guys should just stop responding to 297 characters of WhatsApp text with an Emoji. You might think you’re being funny; and yes, we do laugh at you, not with you.
7. XXXL Losers:
As I type this point, my soul weeps a little for the men who stay back at work to watch porn using office Wi-Fi; married men at that. Watching YouTuber Joe Santagato using the latter is acceptable, not porn.
Some of them haven’t got that memo about porn being a little passé.
8. Snow So White, Snow So Bright:
Cringing as I write about men who wear white socks with dress shoes; please stop this for the sake of continuity of life on Earth.
9. Are you Gymmie (Jimmy) Ray?
Guys, shall we use gyms for what they really are? You know, for working out? It’s nice to see that lump on your arm – you’re straining so hard you might sh*t yourself. It’s so 2012 to take gym selfies. There’s nothing more attractive than seeing a guy work out with their phones kept far, far away. Period.
10. Bad Jeans:
All of the following have to end with immediate effect:
i. Low waist jeans
ii. High waist jeans
iii. Baggy jeans
iv. Jeans worn without belt
v. Skinny jeans
vi. Artificially stained jeans
vii. Embellished jeans
viii. Calling jeans ‘denims’
I really don’t understand why there isn’t a law about bad jeans.
11. 'Hairs' The Question:
Taylor Swift may have ‘bad blood’, but if what you have is bad hair, it needs to end. Guys should stop paying Rs. 60 at their town’s barber and look for a good hairstylist. It’s an investment. For people who spend a fortune on cigarettes annually, they don’t even spend 10% of that on their personal grooming. #Boo
12. Take An Aim:
I share a washroom with seven people at work, out of whom three are male. The times I have run out of the bathroom no sooner I step in are countless. I really don't mind the raised toilet seat, for f*ck's sake, aim into the toilet bowl. There are no wildflowers growing around the toilet bowl that need to be watered.
If for some reason i.e. it is too short to aim, you are blind, please sit down. No one will know.
13. Kamala Kardashian:
Guys really need to understand that they cannot simply expect their wives to be like Kim Kardashian. They really need to learn how to manage their expectations. I apologize for media flooding you with pictures of her topless after six weeks of giving birth to Saint West, but women post-pregnancy don’t look like that. Stop saying, ‘Kim Kardashian lost weight after two babies –why can’t you?’ Because of LIFE, that’s why. We are yet to learn about the sorcery Kim swears by.
I am yet to read the coveted book ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' – I worry about what I will find out as if the truth I have stumbled upon isn't hard enough to deal with on its own.
That concludes my list – What do you think? Have I missed out on anything? Got anything you would like to share? Do let me know in the comments section below, and don't forget to look out for Ms. Confidential next week. For similar reads, daily updates follow Ms. Confidential on Facebook, Twitter, or msconfidentialcolombo.blogspot.com
By Ms. Confidential
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