You know you’ve distinctly reached a new milestone in your life when you no longer care about receiving male attention.

Last year, en route to the gym with my soul sister in a PickMe® Tuk, I told her that there was a boy I fancied, but even though he has offered a curt nod in my direction or a half-smile, he never spoke to me. Never. Ever. I wanted him to speak to me and availed myself in places so that presented opportunity, like timing my entrance with his etc. (Yeah, I really go all the way). 

For three months this tango continued and still I had nothing. Like any fool, I told another male friend that I thought him to be the best looking without a shadow of a doubt, naturally, like any fool he mentioned this to the guy I fancied. His reaction: ‘Oh, really?’ – So, as much as I had plans to carve my own tombstone, I thought this was the make or break point. It was the latter.

A few weeks later I told my soul sister about his reaction and I told her that I hadn’t had a legitimate guy (I really don’t know how to describe a legit guy) ask me for my number or like me back in years. Had I stopped being desirable to men? Was I that off-putting? Was I that ugly? I had a lot of questions – she bit her lip, not knowing what to say.

I felt like me, there could be a lot more women who battled with such questions that ate into their self-esteem. Actions of those whom we liked that squandered even the slightest positive vibe we had to ourselves. Women who questioned why they were constantly friend zoned as the ‘perfect girl who would make any guy really happy’, but were not good enough to be made theirs?

 

This affected me for a while, and I wasn’t sure how I had dealt with it until last week when I ran into a so-called Stud Muffin who knew me but chose to ignore me as I was walking out of Spa Ceylon. He was with a few Colombo Hot-Pots so I believed it would have tarnished his name to be seeing associating a girl who isn’t a midriff bearing size six, in a strappy maxi dress with fake eyelashes. I smiled to myself – how petty some guys are. I knew I was okay.

I wanted to write this to tell girls who are like me a few things about how to overcome situations like this.

1. It’s not the easiest slap in the face – it will sting. Even when the whole world seems to despise you, that’s completely okay. As long as you are not recruited into the ISIS, or planning a nuclear war, you’re fine. It’s much better to be ignored for not being like the rest than to be regarded because you choose to be generic.

2. I am not going to tell you some feel good slosh about you being beautiful on the inside and that these guys don’t see that in you; rather, I am going to tell you to protect your heart and mind and not let these things affect you. There has to be more to life than allowing some mini-d*ck to affect how you feel. #YouDoYou 

3. Your crush doesn't know you, he doesn't want to know you, therefore, you don't even bother to wash the eye crust off your face in the morning? F*ck, no, you go out there and look your best every single time. See the thing with ‘beauty' is that no one can define it, but, Darling, confidence doth make you fierce.

4. Learn to love yourself enough so that others' measurements of you don't matter. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are not desirable because of the world's pitiful standards of the word ‘beauty'. You need to look yourself in the eye when you have your hair shaped like a unicorn with shampoo in the bathroom mirror and say that your mission in life is to go through as many types of cheesecakes in life, not convince people to like you. 

5. Find happiness in solitude. There was a point in my life that I all I wanted was a constantly beeping mobile phone so that I didn’t have to be alone. Now, thanks to the ridonc telecommunication levies imposed on my bill I am thankful that I don't have to keep reporting to the mission control unit about every single movement. In my solitude, I rediscovered old hobbies and enjoying my own company.

6. Two weeks ago I spent the day at my BFF's – I was telling her how there are days that I feel lame for wanting to be desirable. My point is that every so often, these feelings will linger – and it should. You’re human after all! Cut yourself some slack. Just don't let this lead n you turning into the ‘Southern Expressway' to Penile Heaven.

I know that this isn't the typical blog update I bring you, but I felt it was necessary to discuss something I feel is important to girls of this digital era where what you choose to bear on digital landscape makes you hail worthy or shun down. No hate to those who choose to like I said #YouDoYou. 

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By Ms. Confidential