Jul 21 2016.
views 499I treated myself to Nora Roberts' ‘Boundary Lines' last weekend; the story in short – a ‘player' finds the girl of his dreams and gives up his philandering. I just propped the book aside and thought to myself,
‘Will I ever be the girl of someone else's dreams?',
‘Is there someone out there looking for someone like me?
– I wanted to add if he is, can someone please hand him a friggin watch and GPS?
To be honest, I haven’t had these thoughts wander into my mind for a while. The last two years have been about being the girl who funds her lifestyle and looks after herself above all else, if and when a man were to come in, it wouldn’t be for anything material. 2016 has been about being the girl of my own dreams.
To celebrate three years of being single, I decided to consult a few beautiful, accomplished, and strong women whom I am privileged to call my friends to tell me about what they think about loving yourself first.
Shani* (29, Entrepreneur) has been single for almost three years but doesn’t miss having a significant other to ‘complete’ her. A staunch believer that a girl should not be reliant on a man for fulfillment, her only regret is not being able to start a family. Having been in a questionable relationship, Shani says that she has pursued a dream of opening a clothing store and completing her Masters, which she wouldn’t have been able to if she has been with her former boyfriend. She has battled confidence issues single-handedly and says that she overcome it completely! Talk about putting yourself first to achieve everything you’ve wanted – she also says that she loves her independence, freedom, and a good night’s sleep with the knowledge that no one is cheating on her. #GirlPower
Nathasha* (30, Design Studio Manager) is an exemplary mother of two who has been separated from her husband since last November. Instead of giving up, Nathasha strives to lead a normal life for her children; she doesn’t neglect her needs as she says that a divorce ended a bad marriage, not her life. Many of us say that she still looks 16 with a trim physique, she says that now life is about regaining what she lost in years of an unhealthy marriage; she has a romantic love interest, and she balances her life with building herself a career, finances, and enjoying time with her friends.
Now, ladies, that’s how it’s done. It almost makes me feel guilty about the cartons of ice cream I bought earlier today – here’s a girl who puts on levels of coping.
Ruwani* (30, Lecturer) who’s been single for six years, says the only bane in this is equation is that she isn’t able to give her Mum the joy of planning her wedding, and her Dad, peace of mind in knowing that his ‘little girl’ is being looked after. She is courageous enough to admit that she would like children ‘with or without a husband’. It took me a while to understand that being the girl of your own dreams does bring society to frown on your decisions, but Ruwani is one strong lady. She, too, values her independence and freedom but moves on to say something so profound that I've wanted to have it framed in every space in my house: retaining your own identity and be recognised for your accomplishments, and not become anyone’s complementary.
She says that being single hasn’t held her back from achieving her goals; in her message to me she confirms, ‘If I ever felt that a relationship would hold me back from achieving my goals, I’d negotiate a path that would allow me to do so, or rethink being in the relationship’ #SLAY
Hermione* (30, MBA Student) declares that she has been single for ‘an extremely long time’ – single girl code for ‘Don’t ask’! Despite having pressing demands from her family to ‘settle’, she says that she finds being single ‘exhilarating’ and speaking like a girl who put her needs first, she says she wouldn’t know how to quite give it up. During a decisive point in her life, Hermione left Sri Lanka to complete her MBA overseas, she loves her spontaneous vacations and road trips, and lives a life of ‘joie de vivre’. She would not have been able to explore, learn, and evolve into the person she is today if she had been limited by a relationship.
Having known her for many years, I could witness the transformation from a timid, ‘play it safe’ girl to a bold, independent, and inspirational person she is today. If ever independence did someone right, Hermione would be it.
Swen*(28, Lawyer) values that she is able to provide undivided TLC to her parents, she’s been single for over eight years and loves that she could prioritise her needs. I learned something valuable from Swen about being the girl of your own dreams – it's important to ‘switch off'; the daily stress can sometimes get to us. It's important to treat yourself with respect and keep technology at bay. This is something you wouldn't be able to do with a significant other whose needs we would have to tend to as well, despite our energy levels.
Talisa* (30, Flight Attendant) is living proof that your dreams are your own, and it doesn't matter in which stage of life or age you are at – just go for them! She hopes to start a family one day when the right person does come along. Talisa’s dreams of travelling the world, being financially independent, and investing in things you like are something that makes being single work well.
I am privy to her Instagram of exotic destinations, confidence, and happiness. #Fierce.
Rish (22, Corporate sector) has been single for two years and says that the only thing she misses about in a relationship is companionship. I learn something profound from this inspirational little lady who says,
'Being single was, in fact, the hardest and at the same time the easiest thing I have ever done in my life’. In loving yourself first, I believe we will always encounter this awkward junction; Rish says that she has been able to make many good friends, mostly male, and reminds me that it’s harder to be friends with male accomplices when you’re taken. (Not in a Liam Neeson way)
On the flip side, I’ve spoken to three ladies in relationships for their input as well!
Sienna*( 24) is seeing someone now, but has been single for two years – she says that freedom is by far the feat that she misses greatly, and says that is made her more independent. She says she became self-reliant that no guy had become the focal point in her life; she had complete control over life decisions and her libido. Atta girl!
Coco* (30, Designer & Entrepreneur) has been in a relationship for a year now, however, she says that when she had been single, she learned to trust in her own abilities, had focused on her career intensely, and also been able to socialise with her male friends. When asked about what she misses about being single, she resonates with everyone’s sentiments of having freedom and not being accountable to anyone! What I love about Coco’s story is that until her career had set flight, she owed it to herself to remain undistracted and she is on her way to making herself a name like no other.
Seh* (22, Attorney in the Making) has been in a relationship for eight years! (I believe that as she penned down her answers that took her by surprise as well). As she had been in a relationship since she was 14, she says that every major accomplishment in her life had been when she was in a relationship. Here’s a girl who stands for being the girl of her own dreams despite her relationship status – she confirms that even if she were single, she would have achieved everything she has thus far, and believe me, that’s a lot! If you are in your early twenties, don’t stray from your objectives – love won’t get you a Degree.
Ten inspirational ladies in different junctions in their lives but they all believe in one thing. Be the girl of your dreams first; your story is only half as great if you don't accept that relationships are secondary. Thank you, ladies, for letting me be a part of your amazing stories, you’ve inspired me – and I hope many others who read it.
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