Texts from Random Sri Lankan Guys

Sep 15 2017.

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I was a latecomer to the “Update Your Linkedin Account for a High Flying Career” party. Having created a ‘proper’ profile in 2015, I was appalled by the number of messages I received via the platform having updated my mobile number. The latter was made public for prospective employers to get in touch with ease – not for others to use this for befriending purposes. How naïve I was in thinking that this would happen.

I saw a pattern emerging and I thought of compiling some of the texts you would only receive from Sri Lankan guys. You must admit, that certain male folk in this country have creativity, ambition, and a lot of free internet Gigabytes. For those of you who haven’t received these messages, consider yourself blessed and for the others who will agree to receiving a myriad of these, do let me know if I’ve missed out on any!

'U Der'
Prior to Facebook activating its security settings, you must remember how everyone from Adam to Andare was able to inbox you. It was quite annoying – but a few years later, it went into another folder where you would seldom receive notifications to and lo and behold, you are treated to many random messages of this nature. It may vary from ‘U Dere’ to ‘hello der’ or something ‘hai sweetz’. 

‘Awezum Pix’
He has somehow stumbled in on your Instagram account – perhaps a shot of your friends and boldly strikes up a conversation with the ‘Direct’ button. Would a simple ‘Thanks’ suffice? – You may just be inviting him for a cosy chat; best leave him be. Prepare to receive a trail of Hellos subsequently. 

‘Hai, my name is XXX and I wanna get to know you – u interested?’
For such, I feel the need to reply, ‘Honey, if I don’t know what I’ll be interested in having for lunch let alone getting to know you’. If you’re smart (I learned this trick much later) you would respond saying you have a Boyfriend. The chances of him messaging you again ranges between possible and maybe later.

‘Hello, I couldn’t but help notice we had many mutual acquaintances…’
This usually comes in the form of a Facebook inbox message and you have to admit that the guy’s suave move with accurate spellings and grammar has slightly ignited your curiosity – but, no, thank you. It may even come as a compliment like, ‘I couldn’t help but notice how striking your features are – are you half Indian?’, as once a friend received. The boys and their methods are evolving.

‘Wunt 2 b frndz’
Here is a man on a mission; he wants friends – lots of them. Don’t be fooled by this unassuming message which can blow into a fiasco of him venting his sexual frustrations. Easy way out at this point would be to block him. He may have this pressed with CRTL+Copy and pasted on multiple chats – efficiency at its best. 

‘Hey, I know you ryt?’
I don’t know – you tell me. This homeboy is smart; he knows that you will feel compelled to respond to him and strike up a conversation. Let’s leave Prinze Cokeboy to himself – there’ no way you’re worthy to respond to royalty.


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