Playing the Blame Game

Sep 23 2016. views 633

Unless you've been living under a rock, your social media feeds would have, at some point, been flooded with images and videos of women in various states of undress. These visuals, intended for the viewing pleasure of ONLY their significant other, now in the voyeuristic clutches of everyone with access to the internet. 

It doesn't take long for the onslaught of labels and abuse directed towards the unsuspecting victim by the “morality police” - i.e. every man and every woman, perched atop their high horses, with holier than thou attitudes to boot. Because of course the victim is a slut. She asked for it. She shouldn't have been sending such pics in the first place. Boys will be boys, thus devoid of an iota of blame for widely circulating such images shared by the unsuspecting victim blinded by love. Abuse of trust be damned. 

Thanks to the collective prudish psyche of a vast majority who are quick to jump on the victim shaming bandwagon without for one second considering that there are two sides to a coin, such confidentiality breaches will, unfortunately, continue to exist and even thrive. That, coupled with the instantaneous gratification brought on by revenge are an unstoppable force. 

Nevertheless, the issue is a multifaceted one, fuelled by anonymity provided by the interwebs (which we will attempt to dissect in a later article).

So we asked a few youngsters about victim shaming and blaming. Here's what they had to say. 

"You can't blame anyone. The girl is in love. The girl might want to impress the guy and want him to swoon over her or notice her. She might not want to lose the guy because if she says no he might just end up leaving and moving on to the next girl. Or the girl might actually believe that she can trust the guy and the guy actually cares for her and would never ever harm her in any way. But the girl should be smart enough to respect herself; she doesn't need to send any pictures. If the guy really loves her, perhaps, he wouldn't need the pictures either. And the guy should always respect the girl, because he isn't only shaming the girl but the family as well. And the guy should realise the consequences the girl will face from society. He has no right to shame the girl after the break-up because she has to probably live with that for the rest of her life."

"I don't think the word "blame" should come into this. Of course, it is easy to say the girl was stupid for sending nudes or the guy was horrible for breaking their trust. But I think it all comes down to all the intensity of the emotions that you are experiencing at the moment (be it love and arousal or anger and rage) and how well you can handle all of that at the crucial moment.

"Blame both..  the girl for being too trusting and the guy for being a sore loser that can't handle rejection.. Both don't understand what love is..  The moment oxytocin fires up, they think it's love and choose to blindly trust the person.. The girl should know better knowing what's at stake - her reputation in a society that always looks down on women., always choose to blame the woman..  In a society like that, one must know never to expose themselves where the finger can be pointed back at them..  I mean.. Come on..  At least censor the face and background..  So no one can point a finger definitely.. 

We live in a society where you can't trust anyone..  That includes yourself. So learn a little more control..  You don't have to give in just cuz the guy tries to coerce you into it..   A guy that has no respect for your fears.. Insecurities..  

And guys should understand they do not control or own a woman. He had a relationship, fine.. But getting angry at her rejection is no excuse for destroying her reputation. What will guys like that do to their own mother?Society nowadays does not teach about proper respect for each other (males and females). It's all about trying to act more macho and cool. Guys need to get over these illusions and learn to accept the reality that they don't own a person..  And get over the whole idea of "if I can't have her no one can".

The scar they try to create is temporary. Eventually the girl and society move on past the wound the guy inflicts..  But the guy will always carry the title of a b*st*rd who has no respect for his own mother that bred him.. This is not a man's world I mean..  

I had plenty porn pics of the two timing b*tch that broke me.. I never uploaded them.."

Thilini . J
"I believe both parties are to be blamed equally when it comes to the existence of revenge porn. Reason being as a girl you should know, no matter how much you love and trust the guy you're dating there's a possibility things could go wrong at some point and the relationship could end. So it's important to not get caught up in the moment and send pictures or make videos that you wouldn't be comfortable with if put on display. 
And being a guy he should know, no matter how badly things ended, he should respect the girl's privacy and be a responsible adult and delete/destroy the pictures and videos without trying to blackmail the girl because even though it feels good to take revenge at that moment of anger, it can damage her reputation and haunt her for the rest of her life. 
So dear girls out there be warned, forget about being a victim,  beware of the circumstances and try to avoid it."

Thilini . W
"The blame is 98% on the guy who posts them online when they break up! It takes a different kind of a douche bag to break a trust someone has on them. It's ok for couples 'in love' to sext, (because humans have needs, breaking news, not only guys) and when sexting occurs, it is under the assumption that the other party is trustworthy and reliable. As the recent episodes clearly demonstrate, this assumption is most readily invalidated. And that's where the 2% comes in. The girl is to be blamed for blindly trusting a guy. Girls should know better, that no one, not even a guy crawling on his four paws, begging for nudes while declaring infinite love should be trusted. Especially a guy with his fancy technology. No. Just no." 

"I'm pretty sure she trusted him and that's why she sent it. When you are in love you trust that person. And she shouldn't be blamed for it because she trusted him."

"As women our weakness in a relationship is always trying to please the other party. At a certain point we are even willing to go to an extent of showcasing our body to our not so well known partner, all out of trust!
Sadly, Trust nowadays is a very scarce. Once a relationship ends, most of the time it's due to bitter reasons. Most men/women fester anger and hurt in different ways. This anger turns into bitter revenge hence the act of leaking videos and images of the other party.
The blame is definitely on both parties. Keep private matters private and you need not cry later."

Who do you think is to blame? Comment below and let us know. 


Rihaab Mowlana

Journalist. Content Writer. Entrepreneur. Educator. You can follow Rihaab on Twitter & Instagram - @rihaabmowlana


  1. Sameer kumar says:

    Honeymoon used to come after two couples being married..(in sri lankan calture) but things has changed now.. so there are consequences... and think more than twice before you doing something like this! blaming won't help or solve anything....

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