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We no longer just want to have sex, no, we want to have sex in a range of weird and crazy ways that will make witch hunters turn in their crumbling graves.
Bad enough that sex is 80% of the internet and the easiest thing to sell in modern day humanity; we’ve gone to the next level of absolute obscenity. Profilers are now claiming to be able to link our favourite sexual positions with personality traits.
The thinking behind the profiles are simple, it gauges where the balance of power lies and the sensationalism of the position to draw parallels with famous personality measurements. Well if nothing else at least we can get to know our sexual partners a little better thanks to this.
Doggy Style
It seems we have a bit of bad news for those of us who are ardent fans of the doggy style. In defense of our doggy fans however this does happen to be one of the most popular positions of all times even ranging into a host of variations that include; the Donkey Punch, the Ram, the Bucking Bronco, and your all-time favorite, the Dirty Sanchez. Well whatever one of these variations your favourite might be it seems you share the verdict with the rest of the doggies.
Men who like doggy are profiled as having deep rooted insecurities and prejudices against women in general or their partner in specific. These insecurities might stem from a range of causes that are in predominantly ruled by issues with the mother figure and severe emotional conflict during childhood.
These individuals are expected to have had difficult adolescent years and relatively less success with girls during those years. The position is a reflection of the disdain they harbour with regard to women.
Missionary
Turns out the missionaries aren’t exactly praised in their profile either but this characterization is a very accurate one in my humble opinion. Missionary is a very straightforward methods of engaging in intercourse which in turn translates as…
Individuals who don’t take many chances in their lives and are comfortable playing by the rules instead of pursuing perched dreams and crazy ambitions. Complacency is a defining attribute of this position and contentment is an inevitable trait.
The profilers also go the extent of saying sex with these individuals is rarely exciting or spontaneous, instead being routine and repetitive. In a way this is the type of personality that banks heavily on comfort and not attraction. If you fall into this category, I suggest you change your favourite position and along with it your perspective of life a little bit to suit your dreams.
The Cow Girl
We all know this one and in a way this one is an all American favourite. Once again a rather negative profile fits this position and its followers. Girl on top aka Cow girl is related to a spoilt only child sort of personality who has life handed to him and rarely bothers to get out of work in order to find some work. Maybe these personalities don’t need to do the work.
From a purely logical point of view a guy who prefers the girl on top clearly prefers letting her have control and pays little attention to pleasing her, so the self centered personality that is linked to this position just might be the right fit. Adding to the traits of a cow girl kinda boy, an “I can buy happiness” mentality accompanies a somewhat lazy and can’t be bothered outlook on life.
Important to note though, everyone likes a little cow girl now and then, this personality isn’t about those guys, it’s about the guys who find cow girl to be their favourite position of all time.
The Spoon
The spoon is preferred by a somewhat beaten down personality who was probably bullied and doesn’t have double digit self esteem levels to support himself. This kind of guy tends to let the woman in his life take advantage of him as do the rest of the people in his life.
Maybe it’s a matter of confidence or just a lack of fight but this guy really doesn’t have a lot of spirit to take on the world so instead resorts to let people walk all over him.
The Cat
I personally don’t agree with this portrayal at all but apparently, the cat is preferred by the type of guy who is on another level hipster kind of eccentric outlook. Mangy dreadlocks and a struggling artist career path is found to be characteristic of this position.
By Dilshan Senaratne
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