By Paul Topping

We get off the Queen Mary 2, go through customs and exit in five minutes. We board a double-decker bus and will be in the centre of the city of Southampton in eight minutes. It’s great to be in England and see such service. Six people only on the bus, including the driver. Like naughty children, we rush upstairs and sit in the front seat heading into Southampton.

I’ve offered to be the tour guide, being the only Englishman in the group. Mutiny strikes only after I’ve taken us to the oldest Tudor house in the town. No one will pay to go in. The same apathy exists at my suggestion of visiting the oldest church in town. I get to it only to find a small inner glass viewing area. Disappointing. We easily find the famous Titanic pub; however, it’s too early to booze.

The ill-fated Titanic was built in Belfast but operated out of Southampton, and many of the crew were locals. There are plaques on the local houses of those who lost their lives on the ship. 

The number one place for tourists to visit in the city is the Titanic Museum. It’s worth the entry fee, and the building looks quite old, with lovely ceilings. The main theme of the Titanic story is following four individuals who signed up to go on the Titanic and covering what happened to them.

. You need a good hour-plus to do all the rooms at the museum. It is a bit hectic. They have to control how many people can be on the upper level. Maybe the floor has a weight limit. You need a minimum of an hour on site as there is lots to see.

Many old photos of Southampton and its people, model ships and an array of Titanic exhibits. The city has a long maritime history going back to AD 70. The expansive harbour was heavily bombed in two world wars. It has become one of the major commercial ports in the UK. Have you watched the great movie on the Titanic set in 1912? It logs the ship’s demise in detail. A passing ship warns the Titanic of icebergs. It appears the message was received and gets to the bridge, but not to the captain, who is pushing on the speed. They leave you with some gaps in the story, and it would be good to have the great movie running somewhere in the building.

We walk through town, which has a traditional high street, then there is the mall, likely thirty years old. We go to an Oxfam shop selling only vinyl LPs, CDs and books, great concept. I take my friends into a few charity shops. 

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 334: “Never pass a charity shop in a western city.”

We cannot miss the walled city feel as we stroll about and find the large ancient city entrance. Many major shipping groups are based out of this port and continue to have links to this city.

My last visit here was when I was about ten, arriving on the Stirling Castle ship from South Africa. I’ve been on three different Castle Line ships based out of the city. On the Stirling Castle, I was on the deck and witnessed a shark attack on a sailor who was trying to save a chef who had jumped into the sea to commit suicide. He was wearing black. A sailor dressed in white jumped off a lifeboat to save him and was badly attacked by a shark. He died. Why do sailors wear white?

On the other trip, I was the youngest person on board and was baptised by someone playing Neptune, a tradition going on for centuries.

We lunch at the Duke of Wellington, £50 for one serving of fish and chips each with mushy peas. It’s so expensive and a con.

Given we can’t be late, we get back on the Queen Mary 2 early. Five hours is enough to cover the key aspects and enjoy Southampton, a city most people I know have never visited. Why would you? Unless it’s meeting relatives or ship-related.