By Rihaab Mowlana

Ageing in most Sri Lankan families reveals itself through small routines rather than big conversations. A new tablet appears beside the morning tea. A clinic visit is pencilled into the week. Someone asks about blood pressure, someone else about sugar levels. Gradually, the body becomes the centre of attention. What receives far less discussion is the emotional experience of growing older.

The changes can be subtle enough to pass unnoticed. A parent who once filled a room with conversation grows quieter over time. A grandparent who enjoyed visitors begins to prefer staying home. Irritability appears where patience once lived. Because ageing is expected to bring change, many families accept these shifts without questioning them too closely. Yet mental health professionals say these moments often tell a deeper story.

More than just getting older

Aarthi Jayawardena, a certified counsellor who specialises in geriatric mental health, says emotional wellbeing in older adults is still widely overlooked. “Mental health in older adults is unfortunately not taken seriously enough to make an impact.”

Physical health concerns usually receive immediate attention, but emotional symptoms are frequently dismissed as part of ageing. According to Jayawardena, this can leave many older adults struggling quietly for long periods before receiving support.

Pictured: Aarthi Jayawardena, a certified counsellor specialising in geriatric mental health

In her work, she commonly sees depression, anxiety disorders and sleep disturbances among elderly clients. These issues can significantly affect daily life, yet they rarely appear in the ways people expect. Depression, for example, may not look like sadness. Instead, it may show up as irritability, withdrawal from familiar activities, fatigue or unexplained physical complaints.

Because these changes are subtle, families often interpret them as personality shifts. Early cognitive decline may be brushed aside as forgetfulness, while anxiety is minimised as unnecessary worrying. Over time, this tendency to normalise symptoms can delay proper assessment.

When families change, ageing changes too

The context in which people grow older has also shifted. Sri Lanka’s family structures have evolved, with migration increasing and households becoming smaller than they once were.

Jayawardena says she has noticed a clear rise in loneliness and social isolation among older adults. In the past, retirement often came with a natural continuation of purpose. Many grandparents remained actively involved in caring for grandchildren or contributing to household life. Those roles created routine and identity. Today, that sense of role is sometimes less defined.

Loneliness, she notes, is not always about being physically alone. “Even elders living with family may feel emotional isolation, most commonly when they feel like a burden.”

Within busy homes, this kind of quiet distance can easily go unnoticed. Conversations move quickly, decisions are made without their input, and gradually, some older adults begin to feel less visible in spaces that once revolved around them.

The quiet weight of loss

Another aspect of ageing that is rarely spoken about openly is how frequently loss appears later in life. Social circles shrink as friends pass away and siblings grow older. The death of a spouse can be especially destabilising after decades of shared routines.

These losses affect more than emotions. They can reshape identity, daily habits and a person’s sense of security. Grief may influence sleep, appetite and motivation, and when it remains unresolved, it can deepen into depression.

Retirement can bring similar adjustments. For many people, work provides structure, social interaction and a sense of contribution. Leaving that environment can feel unexpectedly disorienting.

“The lack of structure, social engagement and a sense of contribution after retirement can cause a significant decline in mood and self-worth,” Jayawardena says.

While financial planning is often emphasised, the emotional side of retirement is rarely discussed with the same seriousness.

Ageing doesn’t erase emotional needs

Cultural attitudes toward mental health also shape how older adults respond to emotional difficulties. Many grew up in environments where resilience meant enduring problems quietly, which can make seeking psychological support uncomfortable.

As a result, emotional distress may appear as physical symptoms rather than direct conversations about feelings. Some people delay seeking help until their difficulties become severe.

One common misconception is that emotional needs diminish with age. In reality, the desire for dignity, connection and purpose remains just as strong.

Jayawardena emphasises that improvement is always possible. “It is never too late to improve the quality of life.”

Depression and anxiety can be treated, sleep can improve and meaningful connections can be rebuilt with the right support. She believes mental health checks should become a routine part of healthcare for older adults, alongside monitoring blood pressure or glucose levels.

Recognising emotional wellbeing as part of overall health may be one of the most important steps families can take as Sri Lanka’s population continues to age.