By Sanuthi Herath

We hear it everywhere: “love yourself.” It sounds simple enough, right? But when you actually try to practice self-love, it often feels…hard, some would say impossible. To many of us, loving ourselves is one of the toughest things to do, even though it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself. So why does it feel so difficult? Let’s break it down.

We Were Taught to Earn Love

From the time we were little, a lot of us were rewarded for our achievements - good grades, being polite, winning something. Rarely were we praised just for existing, living. When we make mistakes, it feels like everything good you've ever done doesn't matter anymore. That teaches us a dangerous lesson: that love (even self-love) must be 'earned' and can be taken away in the blink of an eye. By the time we’re adults, loving ourselves without conditions can feel so wrong, like we haven’t done “enough” or we've made a mistake, so we don't deserve it. It's a never-ending cycle because even people who've achieved great things in life still feel this way.

Comparison Makes It Worse

Then there’s the world we live in now. Social media constantly shows us people with perfect vacations, perfect skin, perfect jobs, perfect families, perfect health, perfect everything. Of course, those are just highlight reels - but it’s near impossible not to compare. When we see ourselves as “less than,” self-love can feel like it belongs to someone else, not us. 

We Confuse It with Pampering

A lot of people think self-love is the same as self-care - bubble baths, dinners, vacations, spa days, and a fancy dessert. Those things are nice, yes, but self-love is much deeper. It’s saying no when you’re overwhelmed. It's not letting people cross your boundaries and make you uncomfortable. It’s resting without guilt. It's taking things slow when you're overwhelmed. It’s forgiving yourself when you make mistakes. It’s really hard work, and it doesn’t always look pretty or social media-worthy. But that's what makes it real.

That Inner Critic Is Loud

Almost everyone has a little voice inside them that points out flaws and mistakes. For some, including me, it’s louder than anything else. Challenging that voice feels unnatural at first, like you’re lying to yourself, being delusional. But slowly, with practice, you can start to soften that and replace it with a kinder one. Think of it as learning a new language—one of compassion, not of judgment and comparison.

We’re Afraid of Being “Selfish”

In many cultures, putting others first is praised. So when we choose ourselves - when we rest, set boundaries, or say “no” - it can feel selfish, and society will jump on that bandwagon to criticise. But here’s the truth: taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. It actually allows you to show up "better" for them when the time comes. 

So, What’s the Answer?

If self-love feels hard, that doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind. It just means you’re human. Loving yourself isn’t about suddenly waking up confident and glowing, ready to seize the day - it’s about building a gentler relationship with yourself over time and learning and practising things like kindness, empathy and gratitude.

Start small. Notice something you like about yourself, and make a list. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend. Give yourself permission to rest, hydrate and take a break, even when that inner critic tells you, you don't deserve it yet. Each little step matters. Over time, it'll build up, and you'll find yourself being more at ease with yourself.

And remember: self-love is not a destination you can arrive at. It’s a practice, a decision, a choice you make again and again for yourself. Some days it will feel natural, as easy as breathing, and other days it won’t. Both are okay. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself.

Because at the end of the day, you deserve your own kindness. Always and forever.