Temper Button – Leave it alone, kids!
Let's face it, in this doggy dog world of parenting, kids are ruthless participants. They don't play fair, they scream, they shout, they don't listen to reason and are quite trigger happy with pushing your temper button. This is how they play. In no way, dear reader am I saying that your children are cruel, what I am trying to highlight is that they simply do not play fair when it comes a busy parenting day. In just my morning routine, I will have one who will whine over socks, another who picks at her breakfast, whilst the third and fourth will conspiratorially escalate a fight over car seat occupancy, and as I leave the house if I were a cartoon figure I would probably have clouds of temper infused steam emerging from my ears. It might seem humorous now, but whether it's four or even one, children are nubile experts at pushing our buttons and igniting the parenting flames of anger.
I admit as a parent, I struggle with keeping my emotions in check, usually in the morning I am quite patient, but by the end of the day, if it has been a trying one I am an utter mess and the next child who misbehaves usually ends up with a punishment, necessary or not, because frankly speaking the buttons have been pushed ad re-pushed and I am a raging bull. So how as Parent's can we keep our anger in check as well as discipline the wayward child, without loosing our marbles so to speak. Here are some much needed tips:
1. Power struggles: the disobedient child, the insolent child, they all question our position as the Parent. Evidence has shown that as you try to discipline a child over either bad behavior or insolence, they will say or do things to question your authority. This is like waving a red flag at an already irate parent. Your temper which was simmering quietly will take on full force and instead of actually solving the initial situation, the already highly emotional encounter will take a different turn, leaving you angry and remorseful in the end. Therefore the trick is to be aware that as you disciplinine your child, he or she as a survival instinct will needle your authority status, do not be offended, do not rise to the bait. For if you keep your cool, you will be able to achieve more in the long run.
2. In moments of parenting situations, the angered child will say things, do not take them personally. They do not hate you and they do not wish they lived elsewhere, with other parents. Yes you are emotionally upset at how your sweet cherub can say such things, but life is not a bed of roses and it surely isn't the end of the world. Relax and stay calm.
3. Calming oneself down: If you loose your temper, do not think to yourself that this only happens to me and you are a bad parent. This will not only make you feel bad, but will escalate the already tense situation. Instead remember that this is common, you are not a bad parents, you can handle your child. Be calm and take control.
4. Get help: If you are continuously getting angered by your children's behavior, look towards yourself and see if there are other underlying problems at hand, relationship, financial, career disappointments etc. We might already be troubled by a situation and children are sure to exacerbate it. Get help from other parents, join an online support, share experiences. No-one is a bad parent, we just need help.
During their formative years, children will surely try and test your patience. The trick is to be calm and not let it get the better of you. Parenting is tough, but you do not need to make it more trying by pushing yourself emotionally into challenging situations. Take control and allow the serenity of parenting take over.
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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