The past week had everything: giraffes arriving in a country that can’t even keep its bears fed, American sperm racing for awareness (because of course), and a painfully viral reminder that good intentions don’t always make good first aid. Let’s break it down, shall we?

Muthu Raja Said “No Thanks” - and Honestly, Same

The last time I went to the Dehiwala Zoo, I was a child. Once was enough. Since then, I’ve only witnessed the carnage through other people’s Instagram posts - the ones where kids are grinning in front of caged, half-dead animals, like they’re on a school trip to a dystopia.

Recently, Rare Sri Lanka posted a photo of skeletal bears trapped in those very cages. And what’s the Zoological Department’s next move? Importing zebras, giraffes, anacondas, and Mandarin ducks - because obviously what a heat-struck, underfunded zoo really needs is more creatures to neglect.
Meanwhile, Thailand decided Muthu Raja - the abused elephant we couldn’t protect - won’t be coming back. The king himself said, “Let him stay.” And for once, I agree with royalty.

Last Word: Zoos are outdated cruelty circuses. Stop shipping animals around like Pokémon cards and start caring for the ones we already failed.

LA Raced Sperm. Colombo Banked It. Both Kinda Slayed.

Only in LA would a group of students raise $1.5 million to stage a sperm race - part sci-fi, part awareness campaign, all very… sticky. The goal? To highlight declining male fertility. And they did it with a racetrack shaped like a uterus, pipettes, lab coats, and 3D animation. Peak theatre. Peak LA.

Meanwhile, in Colombo, the newly opened sperm bank at Castle Street quietly got to work - with 50+ donors already in, six women receiving treatment, and dozens more in line. No confetti. No fanfare. Just function.

Say what you want about LA’s race, but if it gets people talking about fertility - fine. We’ll raise an eyebrow and a glass.

Last Word: America put sperm in the spotlight. Sri Lanka put it in storage. Both are serving in their own way.

We Need to Talk About First Aid. Seriously.

I saw a video last week: a girl jumped off a 7-storey building. But this isn’t about her. It’s about what the first person on the scene did - which was to yank her upright, spine and all, before help even arrived.
Babes, we really need to talk.

No one teaches us first aid. Not in school, not at work, not even in driving lessons. And while running to help is instinctual, doing the wrong thing can cause more harm than good.

We need first aid education that’s practical, mandatory, and normalised - not just saved for med school or TikTok hacks.

Last Word: Knowing CPR is great. But sometimes, the smartest thing you can do… is nothing. Until help arrives.

Until next week, stay loud, stay clever, and if someone offers you zoo tickets, say no and send them this column.
- Rihaab