After a hazardous day of parenting there’s nothing more I look forward to than a nice bath followed by a huge steaming cup of green tea. Of course for my moments of relaxation to be a success it is imperative that it is childfree for the little busy bodies have to be tucked up in bed smelling of roses and dreaming of all the mischievousness they will get up to the next day. Oblivious of time and commitments I cherish those moments of freedom, as a parent you will understand my need for that cup of green tea. Just like we have our requirements for relaxing at the end of the day so do our children.
My son, when he was younger, demanded that his little teddy accompanied him when to bed, it was scruffy, missing a leg, but to him it was his best buddy and many a screaming fit was waged if teddy went lost. The others' equally had their own requirements, soothers, baby dolls, piles of books have all followed sleepyheads to bed. What do you do though, when the thumb sucking, soother addiction, dirty blankey requirement goes out of control. When you child cannot go to bed without either of them. It is important that we devise a plan of action when the time comes to help them rid themselves of their comforting toys.
Psychologists have theorized that a baby between the ages of 4 to 6 months develops an attachment to a comfort object as a way of letting go from their mothers. The new object acts as a substitute for loosing that attachment to the mothers. For as babies get older other carer’s come on to the scene and sometimes the mother’s involvement is reduced. The child uses this object to help support their transition into the dark and scary world as they see it. Usually once the child reaches toddler stage this attachment diminishes and though they appreciate having the objects around, it is not imperative. But from the need for security it has transitioned on to more attachment, then a problem has arisen and we as parents need to find a way extricate ourselves from this messy situation.
1. Whether your child sucks their thumb, hugs a blanket or is attached to their binky, do not forcefully take them away from your child. Understand that in their little world these things are very important and the eventual break up has to be a slow one.
2. Teasing them about using soothers or carrying around a dirty blanket does not solve matters and cause your child give up the ridiculed object. In fact it only confuses them more and the stressful situation will only force them to cling on more tightly to the very object you want them to get rid of.
3. Set limits on where your child can take or use their comforting object. From only in the house to only in your room, gradually reduced the usage time. In cases like sucking the thumb, you might have to tape up the thumbs and tell them that they can only do it at certain times and certain places, of course this not going to be easy on the get go, but talk to your toddler, make it a game and let the slow weaning begin.
4. Some children constantly cling to on their comforting object throughout the whole day. In these cases keep their hands busy, give them puzzles, activities, toys to play with that will help them forget their comfort buddies.
5. Fill your child’s day with hugs,having a comfort object is because they feel insecure and a hug from you will give them the constant reassurance they need in the big bad world.
From a child’s point of view their comfort buddies are a need in their everyday lives, just like we need that cup of coffee to kick start our days. In our children eyes their days are long and scary and to have that friend always at your side helps “shoo” the baddies away, as my four year old says. So, we must not be hasty with our requirements, the parenting race is never won overnight. Happy parenting!
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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