Dec 08 2016. view 295
Let me just start by saying that questions *never* end. Even if it meant you've been single for years, you're asked why; when you're finally in a relationship, you're still asked more questions! I have come to understand many (Facebook) friendships are sustained because of an insatiable need to know why, how, what, when, and why.
One of the things that I faced as a single girl was that there was zero respect for my privacy; I was asked the most personal questions in the most obnoxious ways. I thought it would cease once I got into a relationship – boy, was I wrong! The top three questions I faced as a single girl (ranked in descending order based on irritation) are 1.) Are you a lesbian? 2.) Do you have many toy-boys? 3.) Do you think this perfect man exists?
I am even more appalled at the questions I get now! It’s either that people have no clue on social etiquette or believe that everyone’s okay to discuss absolutely anything with strangers. I have had to laugh off some questions, and people think I am ‘happier' – no, I am just laughing to myself because I can't say 'it's any of your business' without seeming rude.
As a guide to society in general, I thought I'd compile this list of general ‘do not ask' questions so that it's less awkward for the girl who spent half a decade in solitude.
"Do you miss being single?"
After something like three and a half years of solitary self-loving, you'd think that people might be gracious with their questions. But, no, instead you are asked if you miss being on your own.
Let me confirm by saying one flat NO.
I do admit that I have far fewer hours to binge watch The Simpsons, sleep as if in a coma over the weekend and hose down whatever remnants of Chinese Dragon takeout in my mouth. But, would I trade it all to be single again? Abso-f**king-lutely not.
"Do you prefer being in a relationship?"
Let me clarify that being on your own for extended periods of time makes you a different person (Not mean, just different). Being on my own meant answering to no one; the fierce independence, dominance, and being your own superhero is amazing; I wouldn’t be able to be at peace now had I not achieved these in a former chapter of my life.
"Why did you settle for ‘him’?"
Does one question the origins of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Does anyone question Nicki Minaj’s pink hair? Thou shall not put the newly-not-Singleton into awkwardness beyond measure with such questions.
"Why does he like you?"
That’s something I question myself a lot too! In fact, I should ask now. BRB.
"Is this Long Term?"
This could be out of genuine concern from those friends who want to be a part of your life but don't know you well enough. It's at those points that you need to consider not adding everyone you meet for 15 seconds on Facebook.
"How loaded is he?"
Of all the questions, this I believe is the absolute appalling – surprisingly, it comes from ‘friends’ who are closest to you in different forms. It’s usually posed as ‘where does he live’, ‘what does he drive’, ‘what did he get you?’ and you know that it’s not out of love; it’s an assessment to see how strong they rank on a pie graph representing the Big Bucks.
"Where does he stand on the corporate ladder?"
This is linked to the above question, but it’s more about assessing what kind of future he is able to provide for you. If you’re like me, you would have a little fun with the question. Try going from ‘gardener’ to ‘pilot’ – that ought to shock the scales from their eyes.
"How’s the sex?"
Let me tell you about an interesting story of the land of ‘It’s None of Your Business’ where many go in, none come out unscathed; many ask, but none return with the anticipated answer. There, in a deep dark corner of the land, you will find a raised middle finger aimed right at your face. End of discussion.
I’ve come to understand that when you’ve been single *forever* you really don’t want to discuss your ‘private’ life. So spare a girl; unless she volunteers, do put your lid back on!
"Why don’t you post about him on social media?"
I've been on the singleton's camp for years; social media has a special way of making you feel very unwanted as you wade across half a dozen of your friends announcing their engagements, weddings, and arrivals.
I believe in a healthy mix of moderation. My social media algorithm is thus revised to food + sarcasm + food + friends + food + boy. #Bliss
"When is your wedding?"
When the invitation arrives, you will know. It's bad enough that the single girl received so many questions before she found ‘him' and now that she's coming to a cosy spot in a relationship, must you bombard her with impending nuptials?
Here are 10 questions every not-single-anymore-girl has to deal with during the course of her relationship. Do be kind – do be sensitive. Yes, we will answer your questions, but do go there with caution.
Have I missed out on anything? Can you add to this? Is Share your thoughts with me via Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on msconfidentialcolombo.blogspot.com! Don’t forget to share this post and look out for next week’s update.